I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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