when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
