Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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