But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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