She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This baby is an asshole
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
