Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
