You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize