Welp...herpes.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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