When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Send help, water and tortillas.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
