During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
