I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
is that a dick in a sweater?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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