Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
