she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
