I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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