if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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