The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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