Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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