just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
