Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
