well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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