so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
