But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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