Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
