You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
