i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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