Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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