He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
