Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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