id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
