Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
