Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
