I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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