She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
