her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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