An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
