I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize