maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
