i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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