It was confusing and full of hummus
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
