My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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