he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
