why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
