Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
