Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
