Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
