Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
