Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
