Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
