She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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