One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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