in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
