wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
