butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
