This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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