Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
