i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
