capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
