do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
