Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
