so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
