Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
