so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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