This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you never un-have a 4some
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
