There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
