You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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