then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
