so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
