I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
