Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
