Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
